


Confessions

by JasnNCarly



Series: Jason and Carly's World [23]
Category: General Hospital
Genre: F/M, JasnNCarly, My OTP, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-25
Updated: 2007-05-25
Packaged: 2020-07-20 01:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19983697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasnNCarly/pseuds/JasnNCarly
Summary: Carly makes a new life for her and her sons.





	Confessions

It had been almost three years since the last time he had seen her...three years since she had dismissed him and Sonny for the last time.  
  
It was the first change he could feel in his life, and he hated it.  
  
She had been the constant in his life, more than anyone else, and one lie had broken their bond with such ease.  
  
Now, as he stood unnoticed, Jason Morgan realized he was merely an observer, an observer of the family which once belonged to him.  
  
 _{Beauty queen of only eighteen  
She had some trouble with herself  
He was always there to help her  
She always belonged to someone else}_  
  
It was a cloudy Monday morning, and they owned the ocean.   
  
The sun peeked out of the gray sky to spotlight the three of them...as they simply enjoyed life.  
  
 _Leave it to Carly to let Michael skip school for a day at the beach._  
  
The thought brought a sad smile to his lips as her loud laugh, accompanied by the boyish giggles of her sons, answered a painful ache in his heart.   
  
It seemed like he had lost a life time.   
  
Michael was a teenage boy, Morgan was a toddler, and Carly was a single mother...enjoying every minute.  
  
As Michael assisted Carly with helping Morgan learn the rhythm of the ocean, Jason could feel the mist return to his eyes.  
  
 _I've lost a lot more than time._  
  
All his thoughts were coming too late, after a stubborn delay he had used for security.  
  
Carly made a sympathetic pout, continuing to laugh, as Morgan made his way back towards his mother with his teeth chattering in response to the sudden breeze.  
  
Minutes later, the three of them were leaving the water.  
  
Jason could feel his heart begging to go into reverse, watching her emerge from the ocean. His heart wanted to resort to old memories of her at Jake's, but his mind burned the image of her now.  
  
And it somehow meant more.  
  
With Michael walking backwards, rambling about something, she nodded slowly. A sneaky smile appeared on her face as she signaled the boy for a towel, Morgan secure in her arms.  
  
 _{I drove for miles and miles  
And wound up at your door  
I've had you so many times  
But somehow I want more}_  
  
She was the perfect image of a mother, wrapping Morgan in a beach towel and holding him close. Rocking slowly from left to right, she left her eyes glued to Michael bringing his own cape around his shoulders.  
  
In the midst of this, she still remained the beautiful complication who had entered his life without warning.   
  
Standing in a burgundy two piece swim suit, her dark waves feel behind her revealing the angelic face which accompanied a body which could warm the coldest man.   
  
Gathering their things carefully, Carly and the boys headed up towards their car.  
  
He lowered the binoculars from his eyes, letting out a long sigh, and made his way back to his own ride, still too emotionally paralyzed to say one word to her.  
  
~*~  
  
Sitting in his seat on the patio cafe, his eyes remained focused on their table in the restaurant across the street.  
  
Carly sat with Morgan, carefully watching his wandering hands, while maintaining a conversation with Michael.  
  
In his mind, he could create a thousand scenarios they were discussing.  
  
Maybe a bully had been pestering Michael or he had a problem with his best friend. Worst of all, maybe he was asking about some girl he liked at school.  
  
And Carly listened with patience, attentive to each word as though it was the first time he heard it.  
  
There was a glow to the three of them. It was as though they were a secret society that no one else could get into, and they planned to keep it that way.  
  
 _{I don't mind spending every day  
Out on your corner, in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with a broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay a while  
  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved}_  
  
After watching them this past week, he had noted everything about their appearance alone and as a whole.  
  
Michael was always at her side, going on about something, and he seemed happier than ever.   
  
However, he had a weakness. The second a man so much as glanced towards her, his look of steel sent them away with their tail between their legs.   
  
But Carly minded not a bit.   
  
Morgan was growing rapidly, getting smarter each day, and had his own look as well. A look that gave him away every time Carly caught him doing something he was not suppose to be. A look that said 'who me?'  
  
And Carly was what she had always been, absolutely gorgeous. It was that simple.   
  
Carly's children, her life, was her own. Simple little changes had given her that allowance.  
  
Her divorce had given her the money to live comfortably (even by her standards) for the rest of her life, and the custody of her sons had given her the family she had always craved.   
  
Sonny had done as she had asked, stayed away, and it gave Carly the time to heal.  
  
Her family was now safe and stable in Florida, where she owned her own home and club.   
  
The club was a way to focus all her energy on something other than the kids, maintaining her sanity without bringing a fourth person back into the mix.  
  
To top it all off, they were no longer living under the Corinthos name, they were all officially Spencers.  
  
Jason could recognize the barriers, the defenses, the family had put up from a mile away. Though he appreciated it, admired it, he missed being a part of it.  
  
 _{Tap on my window  
Knock on my door  
I want to make you feel beautiful  
I know I tend to get so insecure  
Doesn't matter anymore}_  
  
He longed for the days, when it was them against the world. Now, he was part of the world they tuned out.  
  
Sinking into his seat, he observed them through the decorative design of the patio.  
  
Carly made sure Michael was ready to go before they agreed to leave their window seat, exiting the restaurant.  
  
Michael held the door open for his mother and Morgan, receiving a small thank you nod from Carly, before heading towards their van.  
  
After making sure her children were secure, Carly shut the door with the amused shake of her head and headed around to the driver's seat. Tossing her brown over her shoulder, she unlocked her side and hopped in.   
  
Once they were on the street, Carly's eyes on the street, Jason rose from his seat.  
  
Leaving a few bills on the table, well compensating his server for their time, he headed out.  
  
~*~  
  
Peering cautiously into their window, he felt the last bit of his free heart break.   
  
The light of their large television allowed him to make out their positions on the couch.  
  
Morgan's head lied in her lap, the child sleeping soundly, and Michael's head rested comfortably on her shoulder.  
  
Carly chuckled, her body shaking somewhat because of it, as she playfully fought her son for power over the remote control. The two of them smiling widely because of it.  
  
His eyes remained glued to them as Carly laid a long kiss to the top of Michael's head, gesturing towards the clock.  
  
He winced at the time, reluctantly getting off the couch, and helped her upstairs with Morgan.   
  
_{It's not always rainbows and butterflies  
It's compromise, it moves us along  
My heart is full, and my door's always open  
You come any time you want}_  
  
Jason waited for them to go upstairs before regretfully bowed his head, leaving the window and heading back to his motorcycle.  
  
~*~  
  
The rain began to come down as he sped down the dead road, thinking of what he was leaving behind.  
  
It was clear he was not needed, and maybe he never had been. They were happy because they had each other...because they had freedom.  
  
And while his mind knew this, his heart began to flash images rapidly in an effort to convince him otherwise.  
  
 _"Okay, look. This is my nightmare. Okay? It's not that my plan won't work. It's that it will. And I'll finally be through with all this. And Michael and I will come back and you won't be there waiting for us."  
  
"Why would you think that?"   
  
"Because I make you mad. So mad. And I make you promises all the time, Jason. But you don't make them back to me."   
  
"Alright, look. I am in this, for the long haul. Okay? You don't need to pull crazy stunts, you don't need to smack waitresses around to convince me."_   
  
Jason carefully shook the memory off, taking a deep breath and releasing it uneasily, then switched his focus back to the road....only to be confronted again.  
  
 _"Nobody ever tried to see me, ever. Until I met this one guy...this stranger guy, you know?And he lived in a place that was a lot like this... And the first time I met him, and I slept with him... He didn't even ask my name. I'll tell you something. I think I knew, even then, that he would be the only person that ever knew me."_   
  
_{I don't mind spending every day  
Out on your corner, in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with a broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay a while}_  
  
Seeing Carly's evolution mentally, he could watch the smile on her face lose a little of it's light with each recall.  
  
 _"Jason? ... I love you. And- I know you hate it when I say that. I know it doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to me. But I know that... I know that you love me too. And I'll always love you."_   
  
He had helped her leave him behind. He knew that now.   
  
He knew that he pushed her with every ounce of his strength. And there was only so much she could take before heading off in the other direction.  
  
 _"No, Jason. I love you. You know? I'm in love with you. I always have been. And I... I know that you love me too. And you don't say, but I see it. The way you look at me... The way you smile at me even when I'm driving you crazy. Let me come home. Please, Jase. I wanna come home."_   
  
She had held on for so long, and he had no clue how much he had put her through.   
  
Whether it was because of his dedication to Sonny, or the favors he thought he was doing for Michael, he had ignored every sign...he made mistakes.  
  
He let her go one too many times, thinking it for the best every time, and was forced to realize how wrong he was.  
  
 _"What am I going to do if you're not there to catch me when I fall?"  
  
"I trust you. Now, you need to trust yourself."  
  
"What if I can't?"  
  
"Just call me. I will come and get you, no matter what."_  
  
He never expected to be the last call on her list, to not even be on her list at all.   
  
There was no way to picture his life without of her...until it became a crystal clear reality.  
  
 _{And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved}_  
  
 _"Did you ever--did you ever think we could've been more?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Was there a possibility?"  
  
"I can't speak for you."  
  
"I'm not asking you to...you're dodging the question, come on. I just--I just need to know. Did you ever feel--did you ever feel more for me?"  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Why didn't we ever pursue it?"  
  
"There was always something in the way."_  
  
Who would have thought that really was their kiss good bye? After that day, their friendship would deteriorate at a steady pace until it was no longer recognizable...until it had vanished completely.  
  
Once Carly had found out the truth, there was no way to go back.   
  
The lie he had told about Sam's baby made him pay the ultimate price...everything.  
  
 _It's over. Everything between us is gone, and it's my fault._  
  
Even as he made his way through the city, he knew this...knew he had done this.  
  
And the last conversation they had, the last one before her departure back to Florida, still burned him with an honesty he had missed for so long.  
  
 _{I know where you hide  
Alone in your car  
Know all of the things  
That make you who you are  
I know that goodbye  
Means nothing at all  
Comes back and makes me catch her  
Everytime she falls}_  
  
 _"You lied to me. You didn't even think twice about it, did you?"  
  
"Carly--"  
  
"Don't bother making excuses, it's not worth it."  
  
"It is to me. I hated lying to you, but I knew if I did...there was a good chance you and Sonny--  
  
"Why?! Why do you keep insisting on putting your nose is my business!? If Sonny wanted our marriage to work so bad, he never would have cheated on me, much less more than once! And he definitely would not have got another woman pregnant!"  
  
"He loves you."  
  
"That's just it, Jase! He doesn't! He doesn't love anyone but himself, and every woman he beds is just another woman for him to manipulate to his advantage! But you? I believed that you loved me. No matter what kind of love it was, it would never hurt me. Some idiot I am, huh?"  
  
"I wanted to help."  
  
"If I needed your help, I would've asked for it! And after what Sonny did to me with the boys, you really believe he's got the best intentions at heart? People are property to him, including you! Who's always cleaning up his messes and losing everything because of it!"  
  
"Oh, and he's the only one?! Like you've never used me!"  
  
"I had your help, just like you had mine, ask if Sonny would have done the same! Ask yourself if Sonny would have done half of the things I would've done! I guarantee you, you'll be disappointed!"_  
  
 _{Tap on my window  
Knock on my door  
I want to make you feel beautiful}_  
  
 _"You betrayed me...like you were returning a favor. Like you were still trying to pay me back for whatever I've done to you in the past."  
  
"You're out of your mind. The last thing I've ever done is intentionally hurt you!"  
  
"I can't believe that you believe that! You use every mis-step I've ever made to protect yourself! You hold it around you like some damn armor!"  
  
"I've always been there for you, no questions!"  
  
"And you pushed away every ounce of love you had for me because it made life easier. Think about it. You go back to that night, with me and Sonny, every time you feel like taking me into your arms."  
  
"So I'm suppose to be sorry for you sleeping with my best friend? It was my fault that you put your own meaning on some stupid dance I had with Elizabeth! A woman I was helping out of guilt! A woman who was in love with your cousin! That's how you repay me?!"  
  
"Repay you?! Jason, that night I felt like dirt, and Sonny was there! You want to make it something more! Like I set out to screw your best friend and become a memory to you! I didn't! I made a mistake! In a moment of pure hurt, I slept with Sonny! I wasn't in love with him! I wasn't friends with him! I was nothing, and he used me! That's it! You were the one who practically forced us to love each other, and look at us! We're destroying each other, and our kids in the process!"  
  
"Then you make a decision! Because I'm sick of making them for you **or** Sonny!"  
  
"I already did! I'm leaving you jerks and the rest of Port Charles! My sons and I will make a life elsewhere. And I swear to God, if you try to ruin it or help Sonny get me back, I'll kill you."_  
  
 _{I don't mind spending every day  
Out on your corner, in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with a broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay a while}_  
  
Her last words to him had been a clear, cold threat. One that he knew she meant...with every bit of her heart...she wanted him out of her life.  
  
Most of all, she wanted to forget him.  
  
And he checked up on her, always at a distance, then walked away, convincing himself to this day there was no need for him to be around.  
  
However, as time passed, he simply became more convinced himself it were true and rarely needed to remind himself it were true.  
  
From the moment she stepped to him at Jake's, to the moment she showed up on his door step pregnant, to the moment she eventually told him she loved him, he had ignored the signs slapping him across the face.  
  
He used the marriage to AJ, the night with Sonny, and every other mistake to protect himself...just as she had said. But now that those memories were leveled by his decision, he felt like the outsider.  
  
An apology, every day, for the rest of his life could never make up for the pain he had returned to her and given her undeserving. But, if she said the word, he would try.  
  
Because Robin, Elizabeth, Courtney, and whoever else dared to cross his path would never amount to anything when compared to her. There would never be anyone who had loved, the way he loved her.  
  
The way he would always love Carly.  
  
As the bold, green, lit sign warned him of his exiting the town, Jason began to slow down.  
  
But that happened every time he tried to leave, from the very time he had exhaled and left town...leaving her.  
  
Something about this time made it different.   
  
_{And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
(Please, don't try so hard)  
And she will be loved  
(To say goodbye)}_  
  
Why? He had no idea.  
  
The image of their close knit circle gave him courage to leave most of the time, strength to walk away.  
  
But following through the day, this time, again without any contact, had done something to him.  
  
It had caused him to swerve onto the nearest exit.  
  
~*~  
  
Rejection froze him in the rainy, unforgiving night.  
  
Jason parked before the small, two story house, and sat for hours on end.   
  
_You need to walk away, just leave her be. You can't make her unhappy, if you aren't around. The best thing you could do is leave her and the boys alone._  
  
Slowly, he approached her door despite these thoughts.  
  
A bright light, where the television's glow had been, assured him she was wide awake.  
  
If he knocked, there was a good chance she may answer.  
  
A chance she would answer and make good on her threat.  
  
 _She knows where you are, if she really wanted anything to do with you...she would have made contact_.  
  
His hand knocked softly on the door before he could leave his thoughts, making it so there was no chance of leaving.   
  
_Leave, leave now before she shows up._  
  
There was no way he could, especially as Carly peeked a brown eye through the crack of the door.  
  
An anger quickly flashed in her gaze, the door quickly trying to follow but stopped by his hand.  
  
 _{Please, don't try so hard  
To say goodbye  
Please, don't try so hard  
(I don't mind spending every day)  
To say goodbye  
(Out on your corner, in the pouring rain)  
Please, don't try so hard   
To say goodbye...}_  
  
"Carly..."  
  
The second her name softly, sadly left his lips, her look softened. The door slowly opening to reveal her strong, defensive demeanor.  
  
"Please, I just--I just need a minute."  
  
Crossing her arms, she tightened her jaw somewhat and shrugged, "I'm busy."  
  
"Carly, please," Jason stood in the rain, offering sincerity and apology with his stare, and whispered, "I need you."  
  
Within an instant, shock registered in her eyes at the memory of one night long ago.  
  
 _ **Song Credit: "She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5**_


End file.
